RNSG Autumn Tour – Wednesday 2^nd September2020 – Royal Cromer

As the dreadful Bank Holiday weather cleared into autumn sunshine and a light breeze 8 good folk met at Cromer for round 2 of the one-off Autumn Tour.

Mike reminding everyone how he used to caddy for his Granddad in 1908 (or something like that)

Jo and Robert Barnard were grouped with Tim Simms and Bob Spanner, followed by Chris and Kevin Frazer with Greg Gladwell and Mike Hammond.

Tim gets proceedings underway

Vince has yet to bring his 20% reduced handicap to the RNSG tour and was sadly missed. The Gooch clan were testing themselves further afield, feeling the allure of Premiership level competition on the national Mixed Pairs circuit preferable to the cut and thrust of Championship level RNSG golf.

Political matters were dealt with early on. No competitors opted to take “the knee” at the start due to some confusion over the Black Wives Natter campaign. No migrants were noted off the coast.  No campaigners were present on the course.

In the pre-match fitness bulletins Greg reported back twinges, Chris limped with blisters, Kevin reported he was now around 80% of his ultra athlete fitness levels. Sandy had run so fast the G force had ripped tendons from muscles and she was out of action. Bob and Tim both passed imaginary random drug tests.

Excellent clothing selections were noted from the well co-ordinated Robert, Jo, Greg and Tim in blue, and Chris in mauve. Bob and Kevin went for the Tiger Woods type final round red shirts. Mike without Sandy’s advice dressed himself and had an interesting beige and lime green combo going on. No golf major has ever been one by a beige and lime combo player apparently, the chances of that ever happening seem remote. 

Mike in his lime green kit

The course was in a good condition with a fair bit of green grass on display for a change. The sanded greens made short game skills a little more tricky to master. It is always good to find one reason to blame conditions for poor play I find!

Greg missing his putt on the tricky greens

Tim was fast out of the traps with 3 x 3 pointers in the first 4 holes, confidence buoyed by his decision to forego shorts in case a rogue shower should strike. He kept it steady for a front 9 of 16 points. The rest of his group took on the challenge of looking for the lost ball as many times as they could and with 9, 10 and 11 points their goose was cooked somewhat too early for Xmas, but early enough for a few baguettes to be filled back at Glen Lodge.

Group 1 finishing their front 9

The second group were more consistent. Chris had a creditable 18 points with a blob. Greg, only participating after a 7.30 am C19 all clear decision, had off the tee woes and scrambled to 15. Kevin 14 with his normal driving display of great and grate, and steady Eddie Mike ,16 points, were in close attendance.

Kevin hitting one of his good drives on the 4th

On the homeward 9 the course pace slowed down. However, Tim continued to rack up the points playing well and headed into the last hole 1 over handicap on 33 points. Robert found 4 good holes for 13 points, and 5 mediocre ones for 6 more to have a very respectable 19 on the way home.  Robert’s total of 30 points was enough for a podium finish.

 Bob, current Cromer record holder, had sadly left his A game at home, as well as his B and C games. It was really a D level performance from Bob but to be consistent the government upgraded him to a C just for today and then got criticised for it. Jo was the bookies favourite before tee off but downgraded her playing too, scoring 8 points as well to give Bob some support.

Consolation for Bob has he made it on to the lowest RNSG scores record list in equal 3rd place. 

Close behind the last group hit a moment of shame on the Stroke Index 16 12^th hole with every one achieving nil points.  As both Mike and Kevin went up and down the slope in front of the green the You’ve Been Framed team filled their content boots. Enthusiasm dipped for the male contingent but Chris had the mental fortitude to hold it together and recovered well so she also limped down the last on 33 points and festering blisters.

Chris tees off on the back 9 at the start of her challenge for the title

Kevin tried to rally waning interest by relaying scoreboard updates as the he Greg and Mike came to the last… and then wished he hadn’t as Greg and Mike surged past him. Greg who had finally found his game on the last 4 holes, and Mike, who had been a caddy at Cromer when Noah was a boy, tied on 29 points. 3 blobs and 4 blobs respectively had curtailed Greg and Mike’s aspirations.

Two missed short putts from Kevin cost him the chance of any prize money today

And so it came to pass, that Chris and Tim would battle it out down the last hole (without being aware of it). Two titans of the RNSG tour, legends in their own families, each with a trophy cabinet full of empty shelves, set off with great hope in their hearts.

Decent drives from each made it 15 all as the commentators confused their sports.

Tim using all those many, many, many years of experience, reached the green in 2. Chris found the front bunker for 2. 30- 15 to Tim.

Chris then played a smart shot to 10 feet.  30 all.

Chris drained that putt into the hole dreaming of her first outright individual win since June 2018, leapt like a salmon and simultaneously punched the air. 40 – 30 to Chris.

Chris putting during an exciting battle with Tim on the back 9

Tim steadied himself, focused, and launched his 30 foot long putt towards the hole. Chris prayed for rain. The crowd, featuring a couple of bees and a grasshopper stayed behind the ropes, gasped as Tim made a complete mockery of tennis scoring in golf.  Tim nailed it for a birdie and took the win by a single point. Cometh the hour, cometh the Tim.

“Bravo” shouted the grass hopper. “Zzzzzzz” murmured the bees. Tim turned, smiled and strode off for the TV interview which you can download from Friday night. Onwards to Purdis for round 3.